the secret life

This is the extent of my life that you all dont know. The mysterious russian side that none of you are aware of.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Mixed Feelings

So first thank you all for your prayer and support. Today has not been an easy day. I woke up this morning and cryed for a while. Not just because I was sad but also because I miss her. I also cryed because lindsay had a messed up life to. A lot of it was her fault. Some of the decsions she made were really bad but right before she died she realized she was wrong and like me she was turning her life around. She was just begging to really live and that was taken away from her by and angry man on the road. Roadrage!! This makes me angry and sad. She had the second chance and it was taken from her. I cryed because it was not fair for her. Then I got ready for school. I feel like at school people see me as emotional or weak so I put on my happy face and tried to be brave. I made it until now. Although now I feel like I wasnt being honest with my friends about my feelings. With all this going on I was sad yet happy because good is comming from her death. Lindsey's law is being put in to place against road rage. Also yesterday I had the most amazing time talking to a friend who is becoming very special to me. We talked about all my friends from school and how some of my relationships are very confusing and complicated. He listend and yet had no cristicism for me. He is special. He listens to me and tells me that things are ok. He reminds me a lot of certain someone from faith. And for all of you who are wondering who it was on monday.....It was evan....

Sunday, March 19, 2006

2 year anniversary

Two years ago on tuesday march 21 is the day that my friend linsey died. It will be a hard day for me but not only but for her family and friends. Please pray for me and them as we go through all this again. It hasnt seemed real until now!!!!

Saturday, March 11, 2006

What do you do

You choose in life who you let get close to you and who you dont. You ability to let people close comes from past experience. What does one do when they let some one get so close and then they have to say good bye to them for they are leaving. They all leave in the end. What do you do when you know that right then you are so close to the other but they leave and you know when they come back they will not be the same person. That when they leave and even after they some back there will be a large gap between you. What do you do when you dont want to let them go. You dont want to let go of them for they are the only person you have ever really really cared about and worried about. ......................... They say when you know some one is leaving you make the most of the time you have left. But what if you cant do that for if you did it would interfear with other friendships. Also what do you do when you feel so stongly one way for some do you tell them or do you suppress it to protect you heart.................. What do you do.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Read this

If you all get a chance..... well you know what i am not asking I am telling you to check out rusten's blog.... It is amazing as is he...... He is my second hero.

Thursday, March 02, 2006


This is a post for Jordan ..... I have felt really guilty latly cause I have been really mean to him. I wanted to say publically that I am sorry...Although I refuse to make it up to him.....Jordan has been a really good friend when he was no around sharp objects and when he did not have scissors. He is an awsome person to talk to because he listens and genuinly cares. He is a funny kind of guy but can be rather deep some times. There are some things that I wish I could change about him. But isnt that the way with everyone. Although I wish he would not confuse me so much...... Cause right now he has done a great job of doing it again. I am glad to know him but I wish the jokes would stop. Other than that... I have nothing more.. cause I got to go before I say something I regreat on here.