the secret life

This is the extent of my life that you all dont know. The mysterious russian side that none of you are aware of.

Friday, January 26, 2007

with little to say

I really dont have a whole lot to say..... Today is a day filled with mixed emotions some about the past some about the present and some about the future. About the past. Well what is there to really say about that except it has been a real hard path that i am still in the present trying to overcome. It had not been an easy road that i had to travel but it has taught me so much and has formed me into the person that i am today. The present well that is riddled with challenges and opertunity to overcome so much. It is what will become the past and help me be formed in to what i am to be. Then the futere what is there to say about that .. That is the scary part of life for it is so unclear...... Thats really all I have to say about that

Monday, January 22, 2007

Not being nice anymore

I have always tried to be a nice person. But i am sick of getting walked on. I am done being nice. Not to say that i am going to be rude. I am just not allowing others to walk on me. I have done some seriouse growing up in the last month. I have been forced to by my outer surroundings. So i guess that is that. I am goig to worknow. I have to work over night so talk toyou all tommarow

Sunday, January 21, 2007

To what do we owe honesty.......but disaster

wow this has been a crazy week. Rember on my last blog I wrote about one that I loved and showed me what love was. Well I talked to him about it and to what do we owe honesty except disater. I was being honest and it didnt go over well. The thing that I didnt tell him that when I said I loved him that it wasnt like a romantic kind of love... But I sat there and listened to him and let him believe what he wanted and not being very smart did not stand up and explain to him what I ment. But we will let that be that and let him make his descions.

Last night I had a party and it was great... It was the first party that I have actually thrown and it was so wonderful. Other than that it had just been work and sleeping. The one thing that I regreat right now is that I am missing the best game of the centery. The colts vrs my patriots. I love the pats so much and i am missing it cause i dont have cable. So I am listening to it on the radio. Yey!!!! The pats are ahead 4 points. They are my home boys. I especially love ted bruscki. I dont know how to spell it but i love him. hehehehe. lol. laters

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

What The Heck Happend To Natasha

What the heck happened to Natasha...... This is probably the question that all of you are probably asking. Well..... To tell you the truth I have no clue....Heheheh ... ok I know but I wont tell ..... alright alright you have annoyed me enough now I will tell you. Here let her tell you.....

Dear fellow peps,

Hello it is so nice to know that people want to know what is going on.. so I will tell you all what is going on. I have moved out of my sisters house and in with my mother on 27th st. But as of yesterday I have moved again. I know live with my friend and co-worker amber. She is totally of the hook and she acts a lot like me. .... I know what you are all thinking " that cant be good " but it is great. It will just be for a little bit until my sister kandi and I find an apartment. Also I have a new job. I work for the wabash center.... Some of you are wondering what that is. It is a headcorters for all the sub housing for mental handicap people. I work as an inhouse supervisor in a house. I am so special that when I sign my name I have letters that go after it. The letters cls go after it and they stand for Community Living Supervisor.. I work overnight shifts.. Normally 10pm-8am. So my afternoons are free to do whatever... whahoooo.I do love my job it is great..... But I do have one thing to get of my mind and heart and dont care who knows so here goes................................................

I have recently been looking at my love life and all the people I have dated and the people that I thought I have loved and my friends and have relized something....... There is one that sticks out to me. Someone that has been there for me that has helped me in many ways. You may or may no know him and I will not tell anyone whatso ever for I would rather keep it in my heart and mind for now. For all of you who think it is Jordan well sorry bout yah luck it is not. In spending more time with him I have realized that he is different from all the others. He has this personality that sticks out. He has always been polite and never rude. Stuck up for me when I am right and told me kindly when I was wrong. Calmed me down when I was upset and always showed me the bright side of things. No matter what time of night if anything major was wrong he would be there. He has shown me what the true meaning of love is. It is not simply a feeling and not simply an action. Nor just a though but a combination of all of these things plus plently more. Now you all knowing that I am not a shy person I am going to tell you something different.... With all these feelings I keep them bottled up and dont know how to tell him. First and formost do I want him to know. 2nd Will him knowing change things. I do not want to change out wonderful friendship that runs so deep. Just latley it seems to me that he is opening up to me about himself and he is finding that I also can help him in the same ways that he has helped me. This is my way of getting my feelings out and maybe he will read them though he wont know it is about him. I dont think he knows he is such a good friend. But I can get them out and maybe some one else can learn a little about what a girl likes in a guy friend.