the secret life

with little to say

2007-01-26T08:25:00.000-08:00

I really dont have a whole lot to say..... Today is a day filled with mixed emotions some about the past some about the present and some about the future. About the past. Well what is there to really say about that except it has been a real hard path that i am still in the present trying to overcome. It had not been an easy road that i had to travel but it has taught me so much and has formed me into the person that i am today. The present well that is riddled with challenges and opertunity to overcome so much. It is what will become the past and help me be formed in to what i am to be. Then the futere what is there to say about that .. That is the scary part of life for it is so unclear...... Thats really all I have to say about that

Not being nice anymore

2007-01-22T18:30:00.000-08:00

I have always tried to be a nice person. But i am sick of getting walked on. I am done being nice. Not to say that i am going to be rude. I am just not allowing others to walk on me. I have done some seriouse growing up in the last month. I have been forced to by my outer surroundings. So i guess that is that. I am goig to worknow. I have to work over night so talk toyou all tommarow

To what do we owe honesty.......but disaster

2007-01-21T16:25:00.000-08:00

wow this has been a crazy week. Rember on my last blog I wrote about one that I loved and showed me what love was. Well I talked to him about it and to what do we owe honesty except disater. I was being honest and it didnt go over well. The thing that I didnt tell him that when I said I loved him that it wasnt like a romantic kind of love... But I sat there and listened to him and let him believe what he wanted and not being very smart did not stand up and explain to him what I ment. But we will let that be that and let him make his descions.

Last night I had a party and it was great... It was the first party that I have actually thrown and it was so wonderful. Other than that it had just been work and sleeping. The one thing that I regreat right now is that I am missing the best game of the centery. The colts vrs my patriots. I love the pats so much and i am missing it cause i dont have cable. So I am listening to it on the radio. Yey!!!! The pats are ahead 4 points. They are my home boys. I especially love ted bruscki. I dont know how to spell it but i love him. hehehehe. lol. laters

What The Heck Happend To Natasha

2007-01-16T14:26:00.000-08:00

What the heck happened to Natasha...... This is probably the question that all of you are probably asking. Well..... To tell you the truth I have no clue....Heheheh ... ok I know but I wont tell ..... alright alright you have annoyed me enough now I will tell you. Here let her tell you.....

Dear fellow peps,

Hello it is so nice to know that people want to know what is going on.. so I will tell you all what is going on. I have moved out of my sisters house and in with my mother on 27th st. But as of yesterday I have moved again. I know live with my friend and co-worker amber. She is totally of the hook and she acts a lot like me. .... I know what you are all thinking " that cant be good " but it is great. It will just be for a little bit until my sister kandi and I find an apartment. Also I have a new job. I work for the wabash center.... Some of you are wondering what that is. It is a headcorters for all the sub housing for mental handicap people. I work as an inhouse supervisor in a house. I am so special that when I sign my name I have letters that go after it. The letters cls go after it and they stand for Community Living Supervisor.. I work overnight shifts.. Normally 10pm-8am. So my afternoons are free to do whatever... whahoooo.I do love my job it is great..... But I do have one thing to get of my mind and heart and dont care who knows so here goes................................................

I have recently been looking at my love life and all the people I have dated and the people that I thought I have loved and my friends and have relized something....... There is one that sticks out to me. Someone that has been there for me that has helped me in many ways. You may or may no know him and I will not tell anyone whatso ever for I would rather keep it in my heart and mind for now. For all of you who think it is Jordan well sorry bout yah luck it is not. In spending more time with him I have realized that he is different from all the others. He has this personality that sticks out. He has always been polite and never rude. Stuck up for me when I am right and told me kindly when I was wrong. Calmed me down when I was upset and always showed me the bright side of things. No matter what time of night if anything major was wrong he would be there. He has shown me what the true meaning of love is. It is not simply a feeling and not simply an action. Nor just a though but a combination of all of these things plus plently more. Now you all knowing that I am not a shy person I am going to tell you something different.... With all these feelings I keep them bottled up and dont know how to tell him. First and formost do I want him to know. 2nd Will him knowing change things. I do not want to change out wonderful friendship that runs so deep. Just latley it seems to me that he is opening up to me about himself and he is finding that I also can help him in the same ways that he has helped me. This is my way of getting my feelings out and maybe he will read them though he wont know it is about him. I dont think he knows he is such a good friend. But I can get them out and maybe some one else can learn a little about what a girl likes in a guy friend.

Natasha

long time no see

2006-11-11T14:09:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone it has been so long. I really miss you all a lot . To update you a little and my life i am living in monticello but am in lafayette everyday so the odds of getting to see you are good. But my biological mom lives in that town so I am living with her and my grandpa and my little sisters. It has been good to get to know my family that I havent known before a little better. Also this is dedicated to rebecca, She tries to tell me that sean in the one..... what ever that is suppose to mean. Well here is my big news SEAN HAS INVITED ME TO STAY WITH HIM THIS SUMMER AT MERTAL BEACH. I am so excited he is going to be a security guard there. We still talk just about every night. Yes there are a few nights that we miss but you all know that is bound to happen occasionally. Yes we have talked about what the definition to marriage is and what it could be like if we were married. We also talked about what directions our lives are heading and things we would have to do to comprimise and make it work. in the long run we are seeing if during this time we would do well together in person. so we will seee. Rebecca i can see a large grin on your face right now. well if you need to get a hold of me i have elected jordan my personal secritary. well hope to see you all on thanksgiving break. love bunches

What, summer, almost over....... WHAT!!!!!

2006-08-06T12:52:00.000-07:00

well everything has been real swell.....NOT.... there is always something wrong in my family weather it is because of other family members, their friends, jobs, or what ever else they always find something to complain about. But what do i care.. I love them all the same. well just wanted to update you all on my life so here is the list of happening and future happenings....
1) My brother dan "big red" as some of you know him by just got married yesterday to lindsay . It was rather akward because not to long ago lindseys mom got beat up or socked in the mouth by my mom because she was talking really bad about my family and my brothers. Needless to say i was a little uncomfortable.
2) Got my papers to walmart transferd and will be working at walmart on 26 my hours are sweet i work 11:00 to 8:00 morning to evening so i can stay out late with friends and sleep in the morning. I will be working ics so come visit.
3) if you need my cell number well i am telling you to call jared. you have been volenteered in to it. like the best friend that you are. he has it.
4) boyfriends.... well this is a long story but my and kyle are talking about dating when he starts school. Dan and i broke up but now we are better friends than ever. we talk to each other everynight and i saw him last night at the race. As for sean from senior trip well we still talk . we talked about what a relation ship was and what boundries should be set in place then we talked about what marriage was and family and the things we has in common but we dont want to date at this point in time. sorry rebecca there will be no sean McKaig and natasha hamand wedding anytime soon.hehehe. And then a funny thing there is a 16 year old boy who rides bmx bikes and he is seriously in love with me hehe.

i love you all give call and we will have a ball. I am really nuts and need to find my brain. weell laters all

The drama days

2006-07-22T10:47:00.000-07:00

There hasnt been a lot going on yet there has been so much. Its kinda complicated and very hard to explain to people. But it has beenfun in the mean time. So when are we all going to get together. I miss all the people that i havent seen. I saw a few people but thats about it. well get in touch sometime...... and dont run over chickens.............

yo yo yo

2006-07-05T11:09:00.001-07:00

what is going on all. I am trying to get to all of you so you can all have my number but you are never home. Gosh. So hope the fourth was awsome for you. It kinda was awsome yet sucked for me. Things did not work out for my boyfriend and me so it all went down on the fourth. and also there is so much drama from my biological family that i had to deal with all of it. But look at the good side life would not be so much fun with out all of it. And i bought 65 dollars worth of fireworks. So it was all good. I really want to plan a big event to get everyone together before everyone starts leaving so i need a few people who are willing to help me out. It will be awsome. well I guess i will talk to you all later.

yo yo yo

2006-07-05T11:09:00.000-07:00

finally

2006-06-28T04:48:00.000-07:00

i now have aim. and guess what my screen name is. The first one to guess gets a cookie.

Home sweet Home

2006-06-26T12:26:00.000-07:00

Hey yall. Here I am in lafayette. I am in the process of unpacking. (How exciting) So I am thinking that we all need to get together. Cause I MISS YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!! Who is up for a random party. I most definatly am. We need date time place. We could all party at my house.Excuse me apartment. But I dont know. Or maybe some one elses house. I really dont know. So you all tell me when a good time is and if they dont coinside then i will just have lots of parties. whahhhooohhhhoooo.HECK YES!!!!!! And we will invite the nabisco cookie man. That is a funny story. when I see u all then I will have to tell you. Rebecaa I have stories lots of funny ones from work. You will lauph really hard. As for the rest of you well you will all lauph to. If anyof you find out where I live then you can randomly show up whenever. I love when people do that. I dont start working at walmart until after the fourth so until then party on .... I will be here unless I am out with friend.My sister works one job from 7 to 5 then the next one from 5 to 11 so I never will see here or enjoy company here. Its sad but I will get over it. well love you bunches my tea is running away so I need to go catch it.

Saying of the day.......What the flip is THAT!
dedicated to my friend amanda who came in to walmart while I was throwing rotten meat away and she said at the top of her lungs "What The Flip Is THAT.!!!!!!"

TO ALL

2006-06-12T11:04:00.000-07:00

well i have a little something for you all....

meg -- I have your shirt and will be returning it in two weeks when I come to lafayett. And heck yes!!! we should throw ourselves a party at the end of this month.

Mary-- Boys are awsome. Not!!! But what the heck I thought I would give it a try. I will also return your belt in two weeks when I move to lafayette.!!!

Interuption!!!!!! I will be able to see you all now for I am moving in with my sister on possibly the 25. I though I would put it on here cause I was sick of everyone asking what was up so there yah go.

Adrienne-- You dont even understand how much I miss you right now. I thought about calling but wasnt sure if I should. Well I hope to see you before you move away.

Joe P- I really hope you are staying out of trouble. I know it is most difficult for you. Dont forget the park incident. How exciting.

Jordan-- What is there to say I just talked to you at midnight. Well I hope you are being nice to everyone not to be confused with to nice. If you know what I mean.

Tirzah-- well where the heck are u. I miss you tremendously. I cant stand it. Remeber all the fun times that we had. Goodtimes Goodtimes. Passing notes in english writting contining storyies with meg and james. Wowsers.

James-- Its nice to see that you stop by when I am at work. what would work be with out the ocassional intrusion by you. And one more thing. I am STILL NOT TELLING YOU!!!!!!!!!!

Jared-- Well I hope that sence I am not around that your right arm is healing. It should be you have had enough time off away from me. Well hope you can help that day.

Erin and Hurf-- You both are the wonderful friends. There is so much to say but I guess I could tell you all when you call later. Hurf I hope you are having fun at work in where ever it is you are. Erin I hope you are having fun with life in general. Love you both bunches.

Rebecca-- Who wouldnt miss you. I miss you so much to. I miss all the random questions that you asked about things...... Well lets just leave it at thinngs..... I know that you want to know all about "the boy" so when I move up there we can go out and do something and you can ask all the questions you want cause your so go at it.

Andy-- where have you been all my life.......ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh maaaaaaaannnnnnnnnn!!!!

John- the in depth conversation we had this summer was good. I am glad that I could help and if you need to talk anymore let me know.

update

2006-06-06T13:18:00.000-07:00

hey all. I got my job at walmart and work 2- 11 on some days. It has been really hectick. I dont work in the deli now which I am siked about but I do work in the meat depatment. No I do not cut meat I am a stalker(hehe)well I stalk shelfs. And I also hang out in the freezer and the cooler. Yeah. Well during this time I have seen a lot of my old friends. I have a lot of mixed feelings about that all but it is nice to see them. I have also made quite a few new friends. We all know that is soooooooo difficult for me. not. Another shoking thing is I am now dating some one. How crazy is that. I know it is a wierd thing but it happens. He is really nice and funny and he makes me happy. I also got my liscense and drive the red car. I also got a cell phone. wwwwhhhhhhaaaaaaahhhhhhoooooooooooooooooo. So yeah that is my life in a nut shell. I miss you all a lot and want to thank you all for your wonderful friendship. I look forward to seeing you all again if not on the earth then in heaven. well love you all bunches.

ps. to a certain some one who reads this I am glad we had that conversation and I think we should see how we can work things out cause the way they are now sucks......
and stay away from krispy kreams...... I MEAN IT!!!!

Happy Birthday

2006-06-02T09:39:00.000-07:00

I AM 19 YEARS OLD. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

schools out

2006-06-01T14:40:00.000-07:00

finally school is out and i am finally graduated. I got my liscense today and also got my cell phone. How exciting. My best friend hurf is leaving me on sunday andit is really sad. Also I start working at walmart in crawfordsville on saturday. How fun is all that. I know that I promised mad posting but life is now more busier that before. That makes me even more sad. well I love you all a bunch. Yes I just used the forbidden word love. But oh-well ... Talk to you all later.

russiancommie

JAMES

2006-05-22T13:20:00.000-07:00

this is to james. I will post only when my life has calmed down. There is to much to do. Your hat is in my locker I think.... No i am not sure if it is or not. aND I EXPECT YOU TO BE AT MY OPEN HOUSE. And the rest of u too. Ok maybe not. well once finals are over i will go crazy mad with posting until then tata.

What a trip

2006-05-12T05:18:00.000-07:00

It was fun but I would never do it again.!!!!!!! There were goodtimes, odd times, and bad times but what can I say. It also was cool to hang out with everyone but you know what most people became a pain in the butt after the first 3 days. Being packed in a bus like sardines makes people do things otherwise they wouldnt. I also had the oppertunity to meet someone who is becoming a very good friend and accountability partner. We have talked everynight sence last friday and it is never pointless. I enjoy him a lot. As for friends I became a lot closer to some and farther from others. But long trips will do that to you. I think during this trip I learned a lot about myself and about others. I also learned a lot about the direction of my life and I found a place to move to. This makes me really happy now I just have to tell my parents this weekend. Well thats all for now. laters

Remember the good ol music

2006-04-22T12:48:00.000-07:00

"Have You Ever?"

[Chorus]
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start
[Chorus]

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all of your life
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care
[Chorus]

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
'Cuz baby I can't sleep
[Chorus]

I love this song. I heard it for the first time in a long time last night while I stared at my yellow wall for three hours thinking intenly about things....
I think it summes all things up. I hope you are all more confused than you were before I wrote this. And a couple other things

James... I am not telling. I dont care if you come to my house and try to kidnap me and force me to tell you I will never give in. Especially to peer presure. I am not telling. I am not telling. I am not telling.

Andy.... Why .... Thats really all I have to say to you.

Tirzah.... You have corrupted my mind in the last couple weeks. I dont think we should hang out you are a bad influence....

Meg....What are you thinking..oK DONT answer that.

Jared... I promise nothing is wrong with you know what. I just was taking it all in

Jordan.. I miss you with my whole heart...( Said in a very sheepish way)

Mary... Your moving how cool is that. I look forward to sleeping on the bar.

To the rest of you well I ran out of things to say. Catch you all later.. To be continued

quote of the day

2006-04-11T09:31:00.000-07:00

When the world seems to be revolving with out you and all that is in you has come to a hault
Do you fight to keep going or slip slowly into the drowing waters of silence

What to come.

2006-04-01T12:23:00.000-08:00

Things have been most amusing latly. And this whole daylight savings time thing ticks me off. I do not want to have to set my clock forward an hour for then I have to get up and hour earlier and it does not make me happy. Instead of getting ready at what would be five in the morning for school I now have to get up at four and it is just not fair. But life is not fair what can I say. So I must ask who is ready for school to be over and for all you seniors who is ready to graduate. I cant wait till that day gets here. Then all the chaos of this time will be gone. As for this summer who know what may be or where I may be.......... Doors are opening and it is really exciting. Bigger and better things are presenting themselves ... I would really like to get out of Indiana... But who wouldnt. The reasons for staying are dwendelling and are few and far between. Who knows what may happen between graduation and August....

Mixed Feelings

2006-03-21T13:19:00.000-08:00

So first thank you all for your prayer and support. Today has not been an easy day. I woke up this morning and cryed for a while. Not just because I was sad but also because I miss her. I also cryed because lindsay had a messed up life to. A lot of it was her fault. Some of the decsions she made were really bad but right before she died she realized she was wrong and like me she was turning her life around. She was just begging to really live and that was taken away from her by and angry man on the road. Roadrage!! This makes me angry and sad. She had the second chance and it was taken from her. I cryed because it was not fair for her. Then I got ready for school. I feel like at school people see me as emotional or weak so I put on my happy face and tried to be brave. I made it until now. Although now I feel like I wasnt being honest with my friends about my feelings. With all this going on I was sad yet happy because good is comming from her death. Lindsey's law is being put in to place against road rage. Also yesterday I had the most amazing time talking to a friend who is becoming very special to me. We talked about all my friends from school and how some of my relationships are very confusing and complicated. He listend and yet had no cristicism for me. He is special. He listens to me and tells me that things are ok. He reminds me a lot of certain someone from faith. And for all of you who are wondering who it was on monday.....It was evan....

2 year anniversary

2006-03-19T13:41:00.000-08:00

Two years ago on tuesday march 21 is the day that my friend linsey died. It will be a hard day for me but not only but for her family and friends. Please pray for me and them as we go through all this again. It hasnt seemed real until now!!!!

What do you do

2006-03-11T11:10:00.000-08:00

You choose in life who you let get close to you and who you dont. You ability to let people close comes from past experience. What does one do when they let some one get so close and then they have to say good bye to them for they are leaving. They all leave in the end. What do you do when you know that right then you are so close to the other but they leave and you know when they come back they will not be the same person. That when they leave and even after they some back there will be a large gap between you. What do you do when you dont want to let them go. You dont want to let go of them for they are the only person you have ever really really cared about and worried about. ......................... They say when you know some one is leaving you make the most of the time you have left. But what if you cant do that for if you did it would interfear with other friendships. Also what do you do when you feel so stongly one way for some do you tell them or do you suppress it to protect you heart.................. What do you do.

Read this

2006-03-04T12:49:00.000-08:00

If you all get a chance..... well you know what i am not asking I am telling you to check out rusten's blog.... It is amazing as is he...... He is my second hero.

Jordan

2006-03-02T14:08:00.000-08:00

This is a post for Jordan ..... I have felt really guilty latly cause I have been really mean to him. I wanted to say publically that I am sorry...Although I refuse to make it up to him.....Jordan has been a really good friend when he was no around sharp objects and when he did not have scissors. He is an awsome person to talk to because he listens and genuinly cares. He is a funny kind of guy but can be rather deep some times. There are some things that I wish I could change about him. But isnt that the way with everyone. Although I wish he would not confuse me so much...... Cause right now he has done a great job of doing it again. I am glad to know him but I wish the jokes would stop. Other than that... I have nothing more.. cause I got to go before I say something I regreat on here.

about that and that

2006-02-27T15:52:00.000-08:00

Why? I love all my friends dearly and no matter what happens in the few months ahead I will always love you all.
To my aquantiance friends I would like to get to know you more.
To my circle of friends I would like to be closer.
To my best friend.........well.........we will see what happens.... Just kidden but I want to stay best friends. Although I havent consider weather this was a two way street or not.

To everyone else hope we have a chance to meet.

Love you all

shindigity

2006-01-25T07:09:00.000-08:00

well I am in a random mood and I refuse to leave this randomness behind. I am in the mix of being tired and hyper at the same time. As for the rest of my life things are good. Well Hilary says yo whats up dog.!!!!!!! I told her it was a bad ideal to call people dogs. She would not listen. well talk to you laters.

aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2006-01-12T20:18:00.000-08:00

MAS CHAOS WITH A LITTLE RELIEF

oh no!

2006-01-06T14:23:00.000-08:00

So I did end up getting my report card before I left and just as I had expected I failed spanish. (U all know what that means!!!!!) My parents well mainly my dad flipped out. He is ready to kill me. We had a long depressing conversation. Then he asked me if I wanted to go to the North Montgomery vrs South Montgomery game tonight.( North Montgomery was the school I went to before faith) I sadly said no because I know that a lot of my old friends are home on christmas break from college and I am not ready to see them. This makes me very sad though. Cause I miss them a lot and want to see them but dont want to be sucked back into that life. ( Some of you are clueless right now but it is better to be ignorant) So I will be with out my parents tonight yeah. If only this was yesterday so I could have had an indepth conversation with someone. Well dosnt life work out well. If any of you kids are bored you can call cause i will be very bored tonight. Laterz....................................................

Survey

2005-12-29T11:40:00.000-08:00

------ Stuff ------

Name: Natasha Renea Hamand
Nickname: Russiancommie
Single or taken: single
Place of Birth: Home Hospital
Zodiac sign: Gemini
Male or Female: Female
School: Faith Christian

-----Appearance -----

Hair: light brown soon to be dark brown
Eyes: Brown (cause I am full of crap)
Nails: randomly cool
Height: 5'3"
Crush: Maybe (But I am not telling anyone)
Do you like yourself: Most of the time
Braces: Never ever ever
Think your hot?: Maybe (HECK YES)
Pierced: ears
Tattoos: One heart behind my left ear.
Lefty or righty?: righty

-----Firsts-------

kiss: I was in fifth grade. His name was cooper.
first best friend : Iseala Gaita
first sport: Basketball
first pet: Howey my cat. She got run over by the ice cream man.
first school: Linwood elementary
first crush: Randy Martin
first concert: Dont remeber

------Favorites-----

movie: Aladdin
show: CSI
Color: Pink
Music: Rap / Hip Hop
Song: A whole new world / from aladdin
Food: Potatoes
Drink: Diet coke
Candy: Reeses
Sport: Football
Clothing Brand: I hate brands
School: Who in there right mind had a favorite school.
Animal:Monkey
Books: I dont want to talk about it.
Magazines: You cant get this out of me.

------Currently-----

Eating: Nothing
Drinking : Diet Coke
Listening to: Adrienne burp,throwup and hic up at the same time.(sick)
Mood: hyper
Thinking about: Cant tell you. Cause it pertains to you.
Wanting to: go do something worth while.
Watching: nothing
Wearing: Clothes

-------Future Plans----

kids: adopt a little black boy
married: some time soon i hope. (Gosh who ever is supposed to marry me needs to get crackin)
careers: Psychologist

----Opposite sex------

cute or sexy: either or both
lips or eyes:(I agree with meg) I prefer them to have all of the usual body parts
hugs or kisses: I am a sucker....... both.
short or tall: tall
easygoing or serious: easy going and funny
romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous
fat or skinny: no gordo!!!!!!!
sensitive or loud: sensitive
hook-up or relationship: relationship
sweet or caring: I like both.
trouble-maker or hesitant: Trouble -maker (Adrienne made me put it)

-------Have you ever?-----

kissed a stranger: Well.......once ....twice...three times.... well lets not count anymore. I sorta lost track ( Just kidden.)
drank bubbles: never
worn glasses/contacts: fake ones for fun.. Sun glasses at school too...
ran away from home: Well yes once...only to New york... No big deal
had an x-ray: yep
broken someone's heart: Unfortunaly a couple
broken up w/ someone: yes
turned someone down: heck yes
cried when someone died: yes
cried @ school: yes

----do you Believe in-----

God: heck yes.
miracles: yes
love @ first sight: yes I love all of you.... only at first sight though(kidden)
ghosts: no
aliens:no
heaven:yes
hell:yes
kissing on a first date: with out the slobber yes
horoscopes:no

-----Answer truthfully----

Is there someone you want but know you can't have? Well maybe but you can never know...... Believe me its not you.!!!!!!!

here is the scoop

2005-12-28T17:23:00.000-08:00

I will be returning to school on the fourth and will continue there for the time being. Why because I love faith so much well .......... I enjoy all the people and have a lot of friends there. Also beacuse i havent had a lot of time to figure the other things out. Which need to be resolved but i am having a hard time resolving. Luckly I have a few friends who are going to try to help me figure this all out. In the mean time pray for me.

crazy

2005-12-24T14:42:00.000-08:00

I feel like a confused crazy fool.

Random Questions

2005-12-20T15:42:00.000-08:00

Here are random questions that someone wanted answers to .......

About the opposite gender

1) Do you like to date men that are taller or shorter than you?

What kind of question is that. I am already really short so any man shorter than me would be a migit. So of course taller!

2) Do you like men with brown, blond, gray, black hair.

These questions or more like options are ridiculous. Why would I even consider gray hair. I would have to go with brown or black. Blonds are normally all about appearance. This is only my personal opinion though.

3) Do you prefer a man who is buff and built or skinny and tall.

As said before I like the tall aspect and yes the skinny aspect to but definatly not lanky.

4) What about personality? Do you prefer some one who keeps you lauphing and entertained or the seriouse but sweet man who makes you feel like a million bucks?

Well I cant choose one over the other I love to smile and lauph. But see I also love feeling like a million bucks. So this cant be answered. To have it my way all the above.

5) Last one on this subject. Pick one aspect that appeals to you the most that a guy would do. Spend qualitly time, buy you gifts, give you words of affrimation, or do odds and ends for you?

Ahhh like the five love languages. Except there is one problem you forgot physical touch. (You only put four but I wont tell anyone) Mine would be a tie between physical touch ( the one you forgot) and words of affrimation. I can choose and when I get married I suspect I wont have to.

About Yourself

1) If you could change anything about your physical self what would that be?

It would have to be......well......this is hard one.......not that I have a lot of things I would want to change but if I had to pick something it would have to be my short fingers. This is a subject that I am very sensitive about. People make fun of then a lot and everytime I want to cry and go hide somewhere where no one will find me. So not jokes please.

2) One thing about yourself mentally that you could change would be?

Duh I would have a photographic memory. You should know that.

3) Is your closest friend a male or female?

A male. ....... Is that bad. ........... Nope see males keep you sane. Girls have all these emotions, thats why a guy should be your best friend because they do not get caught up in all that mush mess called emotions.

4) You talked to me about the convesation you had with a teacher and a friend about men in uniforms. Do you like a man in a uniform.

Thats a very large question. See like as in what. Yes I like how uniforms look on specific people. But as for the people. Some men in uniform that I know are real jerks. So I guess I could say sometimes.

Favorites

1) Fruit - strawberrys or cantolope I can not decided.

2) Candy- Reese's all the way baby!

3) Book- True Honor its about a navy seal and his girl soon to be wife.

4) Person- Thats not fair!!! ( Rebecca, Adrienne, Jared, Meg, Adam) Their all tied for 1st.

5) Season- That is without a doubt spring and fall. Not to hot not to cold. Just right.!!!!!!!!!

6)Movie- Alladin. I love that movie. Lets have an alladin party over christmas break!!!

7) Store- The candy store.

8) Clothing Brand- You can keep you brand names to your self.

9)Thing to do- Dance Dance Dance all I want to do is dance only kidden I love to talk and lauph

10) Song- A whole new world from alladin. I want this song to be sang to me one day.

Random things.

1) Why wouldnt you eat before 3.

Its call shrinking stomach. Not that any of you have any clue what that means.

2) What are your favorite phrases or words to say.

Were all going to die. Gosh. Are you seriouse. Stop that or stop it. About that. andbring it back in.

3) What are you looking most forward to in the next six months.

getting through life

I dont have time to finish this so ( to be continued)

finals

2005-12-16T12:51:00.000-08:00

One final down and four to go. Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I think my brain is going to explode.
I really am stressed out about a certain situation pertaining to one guy at school.
Other than these things its been a great day and I am actualy in a more than great mood.

nothing to say

2005-12-13T15:36:00.000-08:00

i have nothing to say for once

Snowed In

2005-12-09T14:08:00.001-08:00

There is no way that I can get out of my house. Picture lafayette with several more inches of snow and snow drifts up to your ribs. It is a nightmare out here. But the good thing is no school. I told you all that I would not be there Friday and look what happend. Its not real fun thought cause i am stuck here and can get out or hang out with friends or anything cause of all the white fluff. ARRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

Frustrated.

2005-12-06T16:08:00.000-08:00

I will not blab on about how frustrated with school and home that I am but will ask you all to pray for my situation and the choices that I must begin to make. I need all the wisdom and strength that God can give me. Thanks to all you that have been there and are still there. I appreciate it greatly.

Not So Boring After All

2005-12-04T16:44:00.000-08:00

Well yesterday I was talking about being all alone. Well then I checked my e-mail and an old friend had e-mailed me his number. So I called him when I got off. Thinking we would talk for a while and then I would have to go and find something to do. Well this friend named adam had moved away several years ago and when talking to him found out that he lived just across the river. ( Now can you tell I live in the country) So we decided to hang out and we went driving around and to his house and talked a lot. I found out that while he was gone he went in to the navy. How ironic is this. So my whole weekend was not spent alone. Dosent god work in mysteriouse ways.

saturdays

2005-12-03T12:47:00.000-08:00

well it is saturday and once again I am all alone with nothing important or exciting to do. All my friends are in Lafayette or in Indy or at college. They are all so far away. And there is no one left in this measly little town to do anything with except james. (stalker) So I think I will waist the rest of my saturday sleeping. How that the memories made this weekend are more extrodinary than mine. May all of you treasure every moment. You never know when it might be the last.

chicken little incident

2005-11-30T16:27:00.000-08:00

Have you all heard about or seen chicken little. Well its all about the sky falling. Now the supream court had a litttle chicken little incident. A chunk the size of a baseball of the celling fell and caused mass confusion. That the random thought of the day.

Time to Rethink Relationships

2005-11-27T19:51:00.000-08:00

I think its about time to go in to seriouse meditation about dating and relationships. In the last several weeks I have learned so much about them. I have learned that relationships are to be well thought out or someone can get seriously hurt. I have learned that they are to be cherished. They are seriouse. This whole high school thing seems bogus to me now. When before I enjoyed it all. I guess I see it all from a diffrent light now. That must be what God wanted out of this whole thing. I also see all my friends through a diffrent light. They seem more near and dear to my heart. They hold more of a special spot in my heart and life. So much learning...........And i was supposed to be on break ( baaahhhaaaaaaaaaa) never take a break

RANDOM THINGS

2005-11-26T16:35:00.000-08:00

If you rearrange these words you will come up with other words.

George Bush = He Bugs Gore
The Morse Code = Here Comes Dots
Slot Machines = Cash Lost In Me
Dormitory = Dirty Room
and my personal favorite is

Election Results = Lies-- Lets Recount

Thats all the random things that I have for today. One question to you all what are you all wanting for christmas. I want .................hmmmm. well guess I will have to think on that one.

Everything is so diffrent this year

2005-11-25T14:38:00.000-08:00

We so much to say so little time to say it all. Thanksgiving has come and gone. It was so diffrent this year. You all know my grandma passed away a couple months ago so this was our actual first holiday with out her. So it was difficult and the holidays arent over yet. So more difficult times to go. All my friends here at home in c'vill have moved on in life. My friend Megan had her baby on monday and got married some time last year. My friend teresa was to have her baby I think on wednesday but havent heard fromher hence she is inthe hospital. My other friend Megan is starting to think seriously about tne future with her boyfriend. My other friend Megan has been with my friend zack sence our freshman year and there thinking about getting hitched. My sister is out of school and working with mentally challenge and behaviorly challenge youth. My other sister got divorced. My grandma who I cant remeber beacause i was too little died and i can never see her again. My friend justin got married to mito. Everthing is so diffrent this year. So not all things that are diffrent are bad but it does seem a little overwhellming when you look at it. Life was designed for change but sometimes i wonder if i was . I hope some things in my life (which are people but i am not telling who) stay constant in my life.

Uniting of two people and two cultures

2005-11-19T20:14:00.000-08:00

I witnessed the second most wonderful thing in the world today. The uniting of not only two people as one but also two cultures as one. My friend justin got married to a girl named mito. Mito is from japan. The wedding was stupendous. They incorporated American traditional weddings with Japanese weddings. They were so happy together. There families were wonderful to. A lot of family and friends from japan come over just for the wedding.

Then to top the day off I saw my friend Clint. He is justin ( the one who got married) brother. We used to be friends then he went off to college. He goes to college in Ohio and I never see him. But he was here. So we talked a lot. And he asked me to marry him. Which was really wired then he asked my dad if he could marry me. And my dad was not reluctant to give me away. He said he would go home and pack and have my stuff on the porch in the morning. That was not very nice of him. My dad was just looking for and excuse to get rid of me. So all that was breath taking. I also met some of clints family one of which was very intriguing. So today has been wonderful and tomorrow will be even better. I know it. By the way here are the newest words

your beautiful my love your beautiful
more than your heart can ever know or ever feel
my bride my love for you surpasses all that is real
more than your heart could ever know or understand
your beautiful your beautiful
o cant you see your beautiful
o cant you see you are lovely
I gave you ly life I give you my love
o cant you see you are beautiful
Turn your eyes from me for they over whelm me
you have ravished my heart my bride
you have ravised my heart with one glance of your eyes
How sweet is your love my bride
How much better than wine Is your love
my heart is full so full of love for you
I know your love
I feel your passion for my life your warm embrace
has made me so secure your words of love have filled my longing heart
i am so full so full of love for you
And now i sing i sing of love for you
receive my love the passion on mu heart for you
as we embrace your love enfolds my life
you fill my soul you are my every breath
i am so full of you

Its finally over

2005-11-18T20:04:00.000-08:00

I am so glad that this week is over. It has been so hectic. This week produce many trials in my life some of which will carry over in to the weeks to come. But I had and still have the strenght to perserver throught them. Well now that this week is over I am going to celebrate by going out and having a goood time. Good clean fun. Really I should be going to bed cause I have had zero sleep in the last like 32 hours. But why go to sleep when I could be having fun. Tommarow I am going to my friends wedding. I am so excited for him. Not only is he getting married but his brother clint is comming home from college. Clint and I are friends and I havent seen his sence like may. So i am excited for the reuniting. Well I guess I will talk to you all later. I have to go with my friends

Down and out

2005-11-15T18:18:00.000-08:00

I never realized that you can spend your whole life pouring in to something and in one second lose it all. At that moment when all is poured out and lost the life becomes meaningless. I have felt that meaningless. It's lonely. Those that were there feel like they are slowly slipping away fading into the memory. All that are, aren't really there or care. All that mattered doesn't.

But aren't we all glad I don't feel this way. Although I am kinda frustrated. School is not going well because my transcripts are all messed up. Relationships with friends are horrible. I feel really distant from everyone. (No jared I am not whining) People are being really jerkish at school to. At home we are not getting along the best. But what can be done. Nothing.... EXCEPT......................

wowsers

2005-11-12T17:41:00.000-08:00

This has been a fun two days. Friday school was boring as usual. Then after school I went over to megs and watched borne Idenity. Then on the way too the basketball game I got in a fight with Rob meg's brother. This was a fun loving fight. HAHAHA. Then we arrived at the game. I hung out with Jared and Chris. This was entertaining because they were both trying to be just like the cheerleaders. The were both doing all the moves and chanting. ( bit wierd eh.) Then after the game I had to search a couple people out and talk to them. Then Joe invited Jared, Adrienne, and I to his house. So we sat in his basement and talked about wierd things. (And I mean wierd things) Then Adrienne and Me left about 11:30 and went to steak'n shake. Ate food and then went back to her house about 12:30 or 1:00. Of corse we then stayed up forever talking about people from school and rating people and others things. Then we went to bed. I woke up to her veryvery very very very (must I say it again very loud raidio alarm. So from that moment I was very hyper. So then on saturday we parked cars that was a very exciting time. But to bored to write about it. well thats been all the excitement. Check yah later

sicker

2005-11-06T07:48:00.000-08:00

this is horrible. I think i am dieing. I hope you all miss me when I am gone. I am sicker than i have been in a long time.

Sick and not liking it

2005-11-04T20:43:00.000-08:00

I am sick and I am not liking it. I wish to go to bed but know I wont sleep I thought I would tell yah all how my day went. Well ....... It went swell. I am glad thought it is almost over. Random question does any of you like Aladdin. That was my favorite movie when I was little. And I have to admit it still is. Right up there with pirates of the Caribbean. I was talking to jared about this and he said he hated it. Isn't that sad. You know what else is sad that jared's nose is fractured. Poor kid. My sympathies go out to you. Well I took some nightquill and am getting sleepy. well I guess I will get that sleep after all. buh bye
by the way don't you think buoy is a weird word?

love of my life

2005-10-29T22:23:00.000-07:00

i found the love of my life and the center of my universe today. Well actually two of them. First one is chase and he gave me his number with out much prodding and then the next one is romeo. No really his first name is Darren and his last name is romeo and he is an illusionist. How romantic. Really i know have a reason to stay but no reason to come home. So really I think i will saty here where i am greatly loved.

College vrs High School

2005-10-28T19:29:00.000-07:00

After visiting college I have decided that I am no longer comming back to high school. I love college life so much better. To you who have no clue what is going on I am with adrienne in missiouri checking out evangle university. It has been a blast. Today I met a lot of people and visited a class, talked to a professor of social work. While visiting a class this kid named David came in and sat down beside me and started talking away about everything you can imagine. He was so funny but the odd thing was when i asked him what he was majoring in he said football and girls. So this just proves that college guys are just as imature as high school guys. Some of the other guys that i met were more mature than others. But all in all it was good but it was a long day. so now i am going to go. laterz to all yah all. (Maybe one day i will decide to come home and our paths will cross againg)

its all over

2005-10-20T18:34:00.000-07:00

Finally I am going to put it all behind. No I can say what but just be proud of me. Sorry that I have not been keeping this up. But I am a busy girl. Well tommarow is Friday and I am really excited that school will be out. But this weekend does not hold anything of promise. I am going to mow on saturday morning and them going to some thing at joes at night and then on sunday there is church and then that night is youth goup. Any one from faith who wants something to do on sunday night can help me pack health supplies for haiti. lol. Well thats the excite ment for the weekend then we start another long week of school. School is so long ond boring. Except for those wired people at school who make it interesting. YOu know who you are. thats about it '
laterz

pick up lines.

2005-10-13T15:40:00.000-07:00

The other day I was with adrienne and we were on the internet so we decided to look up pick up lines. We tried to e-mail them to friend and it did not work. So i pinted them out and now i have this genouse ideal to post a couple funny ones on here every so often . so to start this off with a bang here are a couple of my personla favorite.

1) Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I am here after.
2)Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
3)( This is my personal favorite) Can I have a picture of you so I can show santa what I want for christmas.

Well thats all of the ones I am sharing today. But the wierdest thing just happened. I just got an e-mail from a friend and some how he got ahold of a not from the united states government and they said that i needed to surrened. For what i am not quit sure. But if i dont then I guess that they are sending a man out to get me and bring me in dead or alive. Wow i guess my life just got a little more exciting. Keep you posted and this at a later date. By the way i am most definatly not surrendering.
-me-

intimate detail

2005-10-12T18:36:00.000-07:00

wow. wow. wow.

Today was the ultimate nothing. If you know what I mean. Today I was so siked and the I woke up. I got to school much to my amazement my friends had all gone haywire. They litterally had lost their mind. ( Have a feeling it had a little to do with the soccer game on tuesday.) All the rest of you that are confused right now. You are out of the loop and to put it like verizon wireless says you need to get in. Tuesday was the last soccer game and the girls had just had too much coffee and the rest is history. But back to today. While they were all hyper I was kinda bumed. I guess i am just really stressed about college............and a car.........and a job.............and school .......... and relationships. There are so many factors that caused the bumedness. ( I know its not a word but this is my blog and my rules go so it is now. ) Then this kid i call reg started calling me his women. which if you knew the kid you would know why that is so akward. So throught out the whole day he was telling everyone who walked by not to look at his women not to talk to his women. Which I am not his so he needs to stop. I know he is only kidden but it gets abnoxiuse real fast. Anyone who does know reg dont inform him of this. i just needed to vent. And all of you get to hear it. Then i will inform him. But i dont want to break the poor boys heart. I have dont that enough in my life. I dont want another tally on my record. Then nothing else happend. It was just boring to no end. I really need some excitement in my life. Or I am going to turn in to a boring person. And we cant be haven that now.laterz

what a saturday

2005-10-08T15:35:00.000-07:00

Excuse me isnt my life supposed to be more exciting than this. I went to be at three in the morning and got up and 7:42 am. Because adrienne had to be at cheerleading practice. (YUCK) J/K . It should be illegal to have to be up that early on a saturday. Then i had to park the purdue game. As jared would say what a waist. It was freezing cold (-6 bazillion degrees) and long and drawn out. But i did meet this kid who was quite funny he said he used to go to faith. So some of you should know who he is. All i know is his name is john or something. Then when at three after 5 long and obnoxious hours they let us go It was off to mcdonnalds to get luch. ( see three o'clock i was aloud to eat.
Then what.... Exactly nothing. I came home and typed this. How wonderful. Not. well I am going to be even though it is 5:43 pm. Because i am exasted.

laterzs

its late

2005-10-07T23:10:00.000-07:00

It has been a very odd day. It is 1:12 am and I am awake and breathing. That is the extent of my movement. After a very boring and confusing day at faith I was yet still confused afterwards. I had no clue where in the world I was supposed to be. I thought I was supposed to go with adrienne and meet rebecca and have "The TALK" ( Which I never did by the way) But then we were invited to Jordans ( who by the way stood us up) But much to my complete dissapointment that did not pan out. Because adrienne had to take a test I got stuck riding home with rebecca and jordan. As the plans fell apart Jordan left and i shared most of my life story with rebecca ( being sure to leave out bits and pieces here and there. not on purpose but yet none the less) then at half time adrienne walked in and of corse i kept going. We finished and proceeded to go down town after much discussion with her mother. On the way there we all had an interesting disscussion with fellow class mate of mine. ( Jordan Jewell) It was interesting but pointless. Once arriving down town we walked into panera bread and exactly 2 seconds later we ................left....... At this point and time I was over whelmed with stress and needed a vanilla bean frappuccino ........ VENTI if you know what i mean. ( You know the people at starbucks just seem to understand you. They listened to my problems and said the cure was coffee and chocolate. They said it would solve every thing. ) After downing that frappuccino i was stress free and happy. ( For a whole 10 minuts.) Then we went to the mall and tried on formals. (For anyone who goes to faith and wantes to see pictures see rebecca) Then i went to meet meg at her house because that is where i was supposed to stay. She was in bed sleeping so I ended up staying at adrienne 's house. So now we are on the internet. Sending random notes and creating blogs. Thats all for now. Tune in next time for the secret life of natasha.
laterzs babes